The Day We Said "I Do"

                                                           November 18th 2012


My Precious Child,

Mommy lies beside me, sleeping. I wonder if you're asleep too. Or, like me, perhaps you are a night owl, and your mind comes alive at night and starts running around like a pack of wolves hungry for knowledge and eager to analyze the events of the day. Mommy is my wife now. We got married yesterday. The wedding was tiny, but perfect, kinda like you. And like you, mommy and I wouldn't change a thing about our wedding. I can't wait to tell you everything that happened on our special wedding day! Not all, but a few precious friends were there, and your grandparents, most of your uncles, your aunt, and your godmother were there. It was a fantastic day!

Mommy and I get to see you in a month, and I am so excited! I haven't told mommy, but I am inviting everyone and their dog to come meet you! I can't contain my excitement. On or around December 22nd mommy is going to have an ultrasound and we are going to find out if you are a boy or a girl. I'm already thinking of songs I can sing to you, and I'm collecting my Mozart songs to play for you.  Contemporary music is wonderful, but there is something unworldly about classical music. Who the greatest composer was is certainly open for debate, but Mozart was, by far, the most prolific classical composer. No other composer came close to writing over 600 pieces like Mozart. He is my favorite, if you haven't guessed. Edward Grieg is also good. Then you have Rimsky-Korsakov, Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Bach, Brahms, Handel, Vivaldi, Liszt, Chopin...The list goes on. But Mozart was the grand master. I hope mommy doesn't play Fallout Boy or Taylor Swift so much that you don't get a chance to listen to some of my favorite music. Mozart will help your brain grow quick and strong. Mommy's music will make you want to go crazy. hahaha Just kidding. Mommy's music isn't so bad. I just want a proper balance for you. Like Benjamin Franklin said, "Moderation in all things".

I'm keeping mommy awake by writing to you this late. I want to keep talking to you, but I should go so she can sleep. I love you very much, my beautiful baby! Keep growing, I'll see you soon!
                                                                  Love,
                                                                         Daddy

                                                          November 19th 2012

My Sweet Baby,

Your father and I were wed on Saturday in a small ceremony at your grandparents place. Many women plan their weddings for months and when one thing goes wrong they become bridezillas. We planned our wedding in 2 weeks, so when absolute chaos broke out on the day of, your daddy and I just laughed and rolled with the punches. All of the unexpected mishaps just ended up making our wedding day a fantastic adventure! So many friends and family members came and sacrificed their time, money, and talents to make our day beautiful. Although the wedding was small, your father and I were overwhelmed by the amount of love and support we had. This made me realize that you are going to be one lucky baby. All these people are anxiously awaiting your arrival! You are the first grandbaby on both sides. I was the first grandbaby on both sides too. Don't tell anyone, but it makes you extra special. At our wedding celebration many people gave us well wishes for you. This might have been my favorite part. To some extent there is a stigma with getting married when you're pregnant. Sometimes your mother worries because she doesn't want her choice to cause others to hurt you. It meant more than words could ever express that our day was filled with love, joy, and excitement for your pending arrival. I was also appreciative that you went easy on me with the neasousness that day. You gave me the perfect wedding gift.

I love you sweet baby! Keep growing.

 *** Mommy***

P.S. Sorry to disappoint you and daddy, but dogs are not allowed at your gender reveal party ;)

Our Little Miracle

                                                           November 8th 2012

Like a bear stumbling out of his cave, at 5am this morning I crawled out of my sleep to hear the world falling in cold, cloudy raindrops. I began to sing "November Rain", by Guns N' Roses. Then I began to sing "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor. "This how it works...you take that love you make, and stick it in someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood.." Little did I know that when I woke up today that I was going to see your tiny little feet kicking in your mommy's tummy! It was truly an astounding moment for both your mommy and I. At the sight of you, a marvelous joy awakened deep in my heart, as if while you are growing inside your mother, my heart is growing a special room dedicated to loving you! I haven't even heard your voice, yet already thinking about you brings a smile to my face.

Your mother's and my wedding plans grow. As that very special day approaches, I wonder what you will be thinking as I watch your mother walking down the aisle in the fullness of her beauty. I am excited to marry your mother, and I am also excited to watch you grow! Seeing you on that ultrasound inside your mother's womb changed my life. I eagerly await your arrival.
                                                            I love you, my child.
                                                                             Daddy


                                                             November 10th 2012

My Dearest Little One,

Thursday morning November 8th we had our appointment to do an ultrasound and determine if you had any genetic abnormalities. We arrived at 7am for our appt to discover that your Dr. had not faxed over the authorizations so they refused to see us until that was done. This was not helpful because their office didn't open til 8:30am and your mama had an important interview at 9. This test has to be done during a small window of time and if they didn't see us, then we would miss that window. Your mother was extremely frustrated and angry. Dealing with doctors and insurance companies has been a nightmare through this whole thing. It's like a really terrible version of "Who's on First?". No one communicates effectively, we get different information from everyone we speak to, and most of the time we are left in the dark about what's happening with you. As a mother, this is nerve-wracking. Fortunately after realizing I couldn't control the situation and I was probably stressing your little tiny body with the intense amounts of cortisone, I decided to just cry and pray.

They ended up seeing us and we made the interview with 2 minutes to spare. It was a miracle! But the bigger miracle was when the nurse mashed on my belly with the ultrasound wand and we got to see you kick and move. I was not prepared to see how big you have gotten! 4 weeks ago you were but a smudge, yet on that screen you looked like a tiny human. The nurse would mash on you and you would kick and punch as if in protest. When she moved the wand away you stuck out your tongue. Your tiny little belly showed us that you had hiccups and that moment was absolutely incredible! My heart was flooded with joy. As sick as I have been, it was overwhelming relief that you were so big and strong.
                                                  I love you, sweet child.
                                                               Mommy

Marriage and Politics

                                                                     November 5th 2012

My Dearest Little One,

I don't think your daddy understands the concept of age. :) Then again, he is a man and probably not meant to. By Halloween next year you will only be 5 months old and be on an exclusively breastmilk diet. So, sorry little one, no pumpkin pie for you! Clearly, I'm going to have to keep an eye on you while you're with Daddy or otherwise you two will surely be up to all sorts of mischief. For your first Halloween I definitely want to take you to the pumpkin patch and dress you up for trick-or-treating. I said you would make a super cute goldfish but Daddy said you gotta more something more epic. We shall see.

Tomorrow is Election day. Americans will be voting for president. The candidates are Barack Obama (our current president) or Republican opponent Mitt Romney. My assumption is that Obama will be elected for a second term. It's weird to know 5 cycles from now you will be able to vote. I wonder what your political beliefs will be. Who knows what America will be like in 20 years.

Your Daddy and I are getting married on Nov. 17th 2012. That is only 12 days from now! We are so very excited to start our little nuclear family. The wedding will be at your grandparents house, in the countryside he is so fond of. When we went to pick up our marriage license on Friday I asked your father if I could hyphenate my last name. He put the kabash on that one ;) haha I think he secretly enjoyed watching me slowly and painstakingly put down Welch as my new last name. We have been moving things in our new home and trying to get everything organized before the wedding. I can't believe it's been 12 weeks already. Seems time has gone by so quickly! We got to hear your little heartbeat on Friday which was pretty cool.Tomorrow I give blood for the genetic testing and Thursday I have the ultrasound portion. Although I may not know the results for a while.
                                                                   I love you, sweet baby.
                                                                           *Mommy*
                                          
                                               

Pumpkin Pie and Autumn Delight

                                                 October 25th 2012

My Delightful Child,

Time passes by, marked but unseen. The sun dances closer to the Earth to watch my favorite season wax fully, Autumn. A year from now, I will be holding you in my lap, trying to feed you some pumpkin pie. If we're lucky, Mommy won't notice, and you and I can share our first slice together. I love Autumn! I will take you often out to the countryside, and teach you the difference between Quail tracks and Squirrel tracks. I'll show you how to hide down wind and behind bushes so we can watch rabbits come out and search for their supper at twilight. Far away from watches, phones, and cars, time travels at a slower pace. Each minute in the country is laden with wonder, and I can't wait to show you this wonder!

Working every day in the city, I am surrounded by cement walls, people rushing around like fallen leaves tickled by an autumn wind, I long for an hour or two in the country. That is where I grew up, and that is where my mind comes alive. I dream of sharing that joy with you, my child. Maybe we can grow a pumpkin patch together, like I did as a child. We can carve pumpkins, roast the seeds, and throw some pumpkin filling at Mommy! Haha, I'm sure she would love that.

I pray for you and Mommy every day. I can't wait to witness your growth in your mother's womb and eventual birth. I am going to start working a third job soon, in order to provide for you and mommy, but I fear it won't be enough. So i'll keep trying, until I find a way to sufficiently provide for you and your mother. When I was young, your grandfather told my brothers and I to clear the fields around our house of weeds. Shovel in hand, I remember driving the spade into the unyielding, rocky earth, pulling up weeds by their roots. Weed after weed, spade by spade, acre by acre, I kept digging. And I hated it, because there seemed to be no end to that chore. Nevertheless, I am convinced that NOTHING will ever be more difficult than that job. I draw strength from that knowledge. Working day after day as I do, with the hope of seeing your beautiful mother, and also you, I count it all joy. It's a piece of cake! Easy as pie! Your mother, and you, my child, are my reward for the difficulties I endure. I draw strength from knowing that you are safe and secure and your mommy loves us both.

Mommy and I bought a lease on a house, and I can't wait to see you rambling about in it. I'm going to buy you a  pumpkin beanie to keep you warm, and I'll read you W.B. Yeats:

"I went out to the hazel wood

because a fire was in my head

and cut and peeled a hazel wand

and hooked a berry to a thread;

and when white moths were on the wing

and mothlike stars were flickering out

I dropped the berry in a stream

and caught a silver trout."

I love you so much, my child. Rest, and grow. Your mother and I are waiting for you. I love you. I love your mother. And we both love you. With God, our circle cannot be broken.

                                                         **Daddy**

Hopes and Fears

                                                               October 24th 2012

My Precious Child,
 It's been a while since I've written. Your mother has a hard time journaling consistently. It's been a crazy few weeks though. We finally found a place to live, signed a year lease and got the keys. It's only a one bedroom house but I'm sure your daddy and I will want you in the room with us for the first few months of your little life. Hopefully at the end of the year we can find a bigger place so you can have your own nursery. Currently daddy is living there by himself while mommy stays w grandma grandpa until our marriage is official. It's never too late to do the right thing my darling child.
Today I applied for jobs with the Riverside school districts as a substitute teacher. This will help supplement income hopefully, since your father wants me to stay home with you for a bit after you are born.  I keep wondering if you are a boy or girl. Daddy thinks you are a girl because I've been so sick.  I think you're a boy. I wonder which of us will be right. We are going to have a 4D ultrasound done for Christmas to find out your gender. That way all of your grandparents aunts and uncles can find out the same time as us.  It'll be our special Christmas surprise!

I read a blog today about a couple who carried a baby to term who had Anencephaly. These babies are usually stillborn or only live mins/hours, a few days tops after being born. It is a neural tube defect where your brain doesn't fully form.  It's usually caused by not enough folic acid in your diet in the early weeks. My aunt was born with Anencephaly. She lived 12 hours after birth. Back then they didn't allow mothers to see their babies. Your great grandma never got to hold the child she carried for nine months. I read the blog and I wept.  This couple had so much faith. I can't even fathom buying an outfit to bury you in, instead of buying a crib or stroller. I have my 12 week appointment next Friday. they will be doing an ultrasound and blood work to test for Down syndrome, Spina Bifida and other genetic abnormalities. I am trying not to be fearful. My hope and prayer is that you are healthy, but if you're not I will love you all the same.

Your grandma Amanda has been the food police lately. She monitors my sodium intake and reminds me that I'm going to get preeclampsia I don't watch myself. I just laugh and tell her it's not my fault that you like salty foods. I should probably start putting pictures in this journal so then you can look back at how outdated be we were in 20 years! I love you sweet child stay content in my tummy. only 30 more weeks to go!
                                                     Kisses and Hugs
                                                          **Mommy**

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

                                                             October 6th 2012


" The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things..."

 That, my child, is a quote from one of my favorite books, Alice in Wonderland. Technically, it is from Through the Looking Glass, the second part to Allison Wonderland. I was at work today, making coffee, when I realized that I saved books from my childhood, and now I have someone to share them with, you! In a few years I get to read you Where the Wild Things Are, Owl Moon, and the first book I ever read on my own, Drummer Hoff Fired it Off. It is a poem, of course. I have loved poetry for as long as I can remember, and I truly hope you will have a passion for it. Edgar Allen Poe and Lewis Carroll are my favorites. Robert Frost,  W.B. Yeats,  Sir Walter Scott, Lord Alfred Tennyson, each have their own innate sense of Le Mot Juste, or just the right words. Even Rudyard Kipling was a great poet. he wrote quite a bit about jungles and adventurous animals, and since mommy is making your nursery African themed, I'm going to tell you all about Kaa, and Mowgli, and how the elephant got his trunk, and how the tiger got her stripes.  I am very excited about our times together!  I suppose I'll have to share you with mommy, but we can tell her some of the stories too! She likes my stories. I've started writing one for you, a very special story that I'm going to give you in about two years. A story with felt animals you can touch, and the book will be made of material you can chew on. I'm looking forward to that my little one. All you have to do is stay strong and keep growing. With each faint flicker of your tiny heart, grow! life is waiting for you! Your mother and I are here,  ready for your life to begin.
I love you, my precious child
            Daddy

Moment of Truth

                                                 October 5th 2012

Dear Little One,

      Today we had our follow up ultrasound. I was nervous all morning but when the doctor turned the screen toward us, your daddy and I were overjoyed and relieved to you see your little peanut body and the faintest flicker of your tiny beating heart. We showed the picture to your soon to be grandma and grandpa as well as your uncle and aunt. We went to see my best friend Stephanie. She made a photocopy of your peanut self. It was super cute. Stephanie is going to be your godmother. She has been by mommy's side through thick and thin for many many years. You will love her! I am sure of that. We weren't going to publicly announce it until you were a little bigger but Uncle Eric couldn't contain his excitement and told the world via FB. So we had to announce that you were joining our family. :)

Daddy is excited. He says if you are a girl, he is going to whisper into your crib every night how precious, beautiful, and special you are. That way you will never forget. If you are a boy then he will whisper "You love the Raiders". That way it'll sink into your subconscious. Your mama thinks you should be a chargers fan though. All the cool babies root for the Chargers ;)  I know it's early but the names your daddy and I have chosen for you are Temperance Cordelia Welch if you are a girl and Liam Nathaniel Welch if you are a boy. The middle name for Liam is still up for discussion.

Mommy brought back a bunch of baby things from her Africa trip. Your nursery will be decorated in Safari theme with the African paintings, stuffed animals, and a mobile over your crib. There are alot of people excited to meet you little one. :) We praise the Lord for taking such good care of you and hope that you just keep growing in there. We love you alot dear one. Never forget that!
                            

                                                                 <3 Your Mother

P.S. You are the cutest smudge I ever saw ;)

Wishing and Waiting

                                                       October 2nd 2012

My Dearest Child,

Today I am experiencing milder morning sickness than previous days. This causes great joy and even greater fear. I am told that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy baby. It means you are growing. So I wonder, if I stop getting sick does that mean you are unwell? Pregnancy can be a fearful time. All your mommy wants is for you to grow big and strong and for my tummy to be your safe haven. But all I can do is trust in the Lord that He will sustain you. Ultimately, it's out of my control. All I can do is eat healthy for your growing brain and body and try and keep stress minimal. I love reading your daddy's letters to you. They make my heart warm. I knew I loved your daddy deeply but I never realized how much I truly loved him until I saw how much he loved you.

We have our first ultrasound in 3 days. It's going to be the longest 3 days of my life as I wait impatiently for news that you are ok. Your daddy prays over you daily. I know it's scientifically impossible for you to hear him. But sometimes I swear you can, because it's as if your little spirit is calmed when he lays his hands on my belly. My dear child, I can't wait to meet you!

                                        Love, Mommy


                                                           October 2nd 2012

My beautiful child,

   Every time I write to you, I wonder how old you will be when you read this. I wonder what kind of person you are, and who you will become. You are growing. Every day something changes about you. You are alone, yet the paradox is you are surrounded by your mother, and the love we share for you. I am going to tell you a secret, my little one. Something not even your mother knows. I love being alone. I draw strength from solitude, but my whole life I've been surrounded by people. People whose noisy eyes and crashing thoughts invade my solitude ferociously. Now here is the secret: I have always been careful who I spend time with, because no one gives me peace. But, when I am with your mother, there is peace. She is the only person I have met that I truly enjoy spending time with. I love your mother deeply, and every moment I spend with her is precious.

I tell you this deep secret because, for now, you and I share that bond. We both get to spend time with your mother, and she loves us both immensely. She carries you, protects you, and gives you strength. I carry both of you in my heart. Your mother is a wonderful woman. I truly believe there is no greater or more beautiful woman than your mommy, and you get to spend your first moments of life with her! That is something amazing. I love you, little one. I pray for you often, and I think about you constantly. I can't wait to meet you, to look into your eyes, and love you awake for the first time.

I know your mother is eager to meet you too. I know she worries about you, probably more than she tells me. One thing you should know about both of your parents, my precious child: we always have more on our minds than we let on. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not. But know this, beneath all of the worries and stress your mother and I carry, lies a foundation of deep love for you. A love for who you are. A love that will keep you safe. Your mother loves you, and daddy loves you too.

                                           Love, Your father.

Love Letter From Daddy

                                                  September 30th 2012

Like a seedling germinating  in the ground, you are hidden in your mommy's tummy. Quiet and still, you must hardly hear the sounds of the outside world as it passes by you unseen. But passes by it does. I am looking for more work to sustain your mother as she carries your fragile life inside of her. Your mother had the drive and strength to get a college education, but so far I don't have one. Thus, the jobs I seek don't pay well, but I do what I must to help you and your mommy. That is what a good man does, my precious child. A good man puts aside everything for the ones he loves, and the people I love most in this world are your mother and you. It is the strength of that love that compels me to continue, urges me to do greater things. Because of love.

Because of love, little one, your mother cares for you tenderly, though she has great discomfort. I don't say these things to cause you guilt, but rather trust that you will draw strength from our love for you, and learn to love as your mother and I love you. For we love immensely precious one. Your mother talks to you, her voice becoming gentle and soft, like a warm blanket covering you with her words. Never forget , throughout your frustrations in your life, that we love you. In your earliest moments of growth, your mother and I care for you the best way we know how.

Trials may come, and tears may fall, but I love you. Your mother loves you. Wrap these words around your heart like a coat, keep them close in your thoughts. Knowing we love you will keep you strong. Keep your feet on the path to God, for we draw our love from Him. God is the source of greatest love, and in time I pray your source will come from Him as well.  I love you, little child. Keep growing, strong and temperate, but please be gentle on your mother as you grow. She is weary, and her discomfort, as yet, remains. Be easy on her little one.

                                          I love you,
                                                     Your Daddy

Morning Sickness Blues

                                                        September 25th 2012
My Dearest Little One,

Your daddy clearly is the more eloquent of your parents. I hope you don't judge me on my lack of literary skills. haha. It's almost been a week since we found out I was pregnant. Supposedly I am 7 1/2 weeks or 7 weeks and 2 days today. Your mommy likes to round up. I thought I had gotten lucky with the morning sickness until today. So far I've just had a little nausea but today you decided you had other ideas. My devotional this morning was about peace. I found this ironic. I don't know how I can have peace when I won't know for another 10 days whether you are healthy. I'm spending the majority of the day trying to avoid people with perfume so I don't find myself running to the bathroom. I feel like a hunting dog because I can smell EVERYTHING.

Your daddy is a trooper though. He gives me back massages when it hurts, cooks dinner when my stomach can't handle the smell, and is constantly comforting my fears and reminding me how much he loves us both. I can't imagine going through this without his support. You are one lucky baby to have such an awesome daddy. Just promise me when you're older that you won't forget that your mother is pretty cool too! I adore you little one.

                                             <3 Mommy

Daddy's Sends His Love

                                                           September 21st 2012

To You, Our Child,

Your mother and I love you so very much. Even in the first few weeks of your life, as you lay quietly nestled in your mother's womb, we hold hands and talk to you. We argue most about who loves you more. You are bringing so much joy into our lives, I can hardly wait to meet you! I love you very much, just as I love your mother. You are your own person, and I am interested to see who you become. Will you like broccoli? What is your favorite color? Will you love the autumn as I do? Or the summertime like your mommy? I pray our joy passes into your life, and that God sustains you. Let Him be your strength.

Sheltered in the fierce bonds of love, I pray you grow strong and healthy, my beautiful child. Rise up, and embrace life. Breathe in the song of light, and the stirring rhythms of your growing heart. You have strength just like your mother. Wield it wisely, as she does.  Keep a song in your heart, for music is a wonderful part of life. A song for every emotion, when you are sad, when you are angry, when you are glad. When I make you frustrated there will be a song that helps you understand. I love you, and I don't want to make you frustrated, but I know music will help you in any situation you find yourself in. And remember, God is with you, keeping you company, wherever you go. Turn to Him in your time of need.

I love you, my beautiful child. There is so much more for me to say, but I am going to stop and write to you later, which is only a few pages away for you. Remember, my child, your mother and I love you so very much. Our love for you is great and unending. Bear this in mind, for your mother and I bear you in our hearts. You are our bright song and our happy smile. Be safe my child. Grow strong in your mommy's tummy.

                                                    I love you!
                                                               Daddy

Hospital Horrors

                                                         September 21st 2012

My Dearest Little One,

The last two days have been jam packed insanity. After being admitted to the hospital and getting bloodwork and an ultrasound I waited for what seemed like an eternity for someone to tell me that you were ok. After 24 hours of being poked and prodded, answering the same questions a bazillion times and spending long hours fighting with insurance companies, we still don't know. The doctors are not confident because they did not see you on the ultrasound but my HCG levels were high enough that they should have. Your momma on the other hand is pretty sure you were just being shy and hiding. That's like your daddy. "On My Knees" a worship song by Jaci Velasquez played on the TV in the waiting room. The song carries great meaning for your momma. Then in the time of great uncertainty your nurse, who chewed out the insurance company for you, asked to pray with us. These signs eased my soul. I knew that the Lord was with there and watching over you.

The final comfort was when our doctor came in to lay it all out for us. I instantly recognized his African accent and all was right in the world. You see, 3 months ago I spent a month in Africa volunteering with orphans. A pastor there prophesied over me and said I would give birth to a healthy child. I didn't put much stock in it until now. Once the African doctor came in I had complete faith. The Lord is with you little one. This morning I retook my lab tests to make sure the HCG levels were increasing. They are supposed to double every 48-72 hours. I was not surprised to discover that my levels had almost tripled in 36 hours. You are are very stubborn like your mama. I'm glad to see that you've got some fight in you! You just keep on growing and making yourself comfortable in my belly. I'll handle the rest :) I love you my dearest little one.

                                          Love, Your mama

Suprise!

                                                                       September 19th
My Dearest Little One,

 Today I found out that you existed. I was a little surprised and a little scared. Terrified is a much better word choice. You see, 3 years ago you had a sister but she didn't make it and the doctors told mommy that she would never conceive again. Well, your momma she didn't listen and she tried and tried for over a year but no baby. I eventually gave up and your sisters daddy couldn't live with the idea. A year later, in walks your daddy. Well, he's all smooth talkin and super cheesy. I was skeptical of course but boy was your daddy persistent. He wooed and wooed. Love letters, back rubs, cooking dinner, you name it. You should take a page out of his playbook when you are older. ;) Anyways, your daddy proposed to your mommy September 2nd 2012. We had no idea that you were making a home for yourself in my tummy at the time! Regardless, your daddy and I love you very much! We are going to the hospital soon since mommy has been having some pain. We wanna make sure you are ok. :)