Monday, November 5, 2012

Hopes and Fears

                                                               October 24th 2012

My Precious Child,
 It's been a while since I've written. Your mother has a hard time journaling consistently. It's been a crazy few weeks though. We finally found a place to live, signed a year lease and got the keys. It's only a one bedroom house but I'm sure your daddy and I will want you in the room with us for the first few months of your little life. Hopefully at the end of the year we can find a bigger place so you can have your own nursery. Currently daddy is living there by himself while mommy stays w grandma grandpa until our marriage is official. It's never too late to do the right thing my darling child.
Today I applied for jobs with the Riverside school districts as a substitute teacher. This will help supplement income hopefully, since your father wants me to stay home with you for a bit after you are born.  I keep wondering if you are a boy or girl. Daddy thinks you are a girl because I've been so sick.  I think you're a boy. I wonder which of us will be right. We are going to have a 4D ultrasound done for Christmas to find out your gender. That way all of your grandparents aunts and uncles can find out the same time as us.  It'll be our special Christmas surprise!

I read a blog today about a couple who carried a baby to term who had Anencephaly. These babies are usually stillborn or only live mins/hours, a few days tops after being born. It is a neural tube defect where your brain doesn't fully form.  It's usually caused by not enough folic acid in your diet in the early weeks. My aunt was born with Anencephaly. She lived 12 hours after birth. Back then they didn't allow mothers to see their babies. Your great grandma never got to hold the child she carried for nine months. I read the blog and I wept.  This couple had so much faith. I can't even fathom buying an outfit to bury you in, instead of buying a crib or stroller. I have my 12 week appointment next Friday. they will be doing an ultrasound and blood work to test for Down syndrome, Spina Bifida and other genetic abnormalities. I am trying not to be fearful. My hope and prayer is that you are healthy, but if you're not I will love you all the same.

Your grandma Amanda has been the food police lately. She monitors my sodium intake and reminds me that I'm going to get preeclampsia I don't watch myself. I just laugh and tell her it's not my fault that you like salty foods. I should probably start putting pictures in this journal so then you can look back at how outdated be we were in 20 years! I love you sweet child stay content in my tummy. only 30 more weeks to go!
                                                     Kisses and Hugs
                                                          **Mommy**

No comments:

Post a Comment