Wishing and Waiting

                                                       October 2nd 2012

My Dearest Child,

Today I am experiencing milder morning sickness than previous days. This causes great joy and even greater fear. I am told that morning sickness is a sign of a healthy baby. It means you are growing. So I wonder, if I stop getting sick does that mean you are unwell? Pregnancy can be a fearful time. All your mommy wants is for you to grow big and strong and for my tummy to be your safe haven. But all I can do is trust in the Lord that He will sustain you. Ultimately, it's out of my control. All I can do is eat healthy for your growing brain and body and try and keep stress minimal. I love reading your daddy's letters to you. They make my heart warm. I knew I loved your daddy deeply but I never realized how much I truly loved him until I saw how much he loved you.

We have our first ultrasound in 3 days. It's going to be the longest 3 days of my life as I wait impatiently for news that you are ok. Your daddy prays over you daily. I know it's scientifically impossible for you to hear him. But sometimes I swear you can, because it's as if your little spirit is calmed when he lays his hands on my belly. My dear child, I can't wait to meet you!

                                        Love, Mommy


                                                           October 2nd 2012

My beautiful child,

   Every time I write to you, I wonder how old you will be when you read this. I wonder what kind of person you are, and who you will become. You are growing. Every day something changes about you. You are alone, yet the paradox is you are surrounded by your mother, and the love we share for you. I am going to tell you a secret, my little one. Something not even your mother knows. I love being alone. I draw strength from solitude, but my whole life I've been surrounded by people. People whose noisy eyes and crashing thoughts invade my solitude ferociously. Now here is the secret: I have always been careful who I spend time with, because no one gives me peace. But, when I am with your mother, there is peace. She is the only person I have met that I truly enjoy spending time with. I love your mother deeply, and every moment I spend with her is precious.

I tell you this deep secret because, for now, you and I share that bond. We both get to spend time with your mother, and she loves us both immensely. She carries you, protects you, and gives you strength. I carry both of you in my heart. Your mother is a wonderful woman. I truly believe there is no greater or more beautiful woman than your mommy, and you get to spend your first moments of life with her! That is something amazing. I love you, little one. I pray for you often, and I think about you constantly. I can't wait to meet you, to look into your eyes, and love you awake for the first time.

I know your mother is eager to meet you too. I know she worries about you, probably more than she tells me. One thing you should know about both of your parents, my precious child: we always have more on our minds than we let on. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not. But know this, beneath all of the worries and stress your mother and I carry, lies a foundation of deep love for you. A love for who you are. A love that will keep you safe. Your mother loves you, and daddy loves you too.

                                           Love, Your father.